Get Out Of Your Own Way

TOP 9 Lessons From The Book: GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior by Mark Goulston, M.D., and Philip Goldberg

1. It is better to begin in the evening than not at all. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. There are, of course, many reasons people procrastinate: self-doubt, boredom, fear of failure, the feeling of being unready or unprepared and so on. But these feelings, by themselves, don't necessarily lead to procrastination. Often what tips the scales is going through them alone, with no one to help you, bolster you, or cheer you on. Loneliness , . , is and. always has been the central and inevitable experiencee of every man. The key to overcoming loneliness-based procrastination is to enlist the support of other people.

2. Empathy is a priceless commodity because it invariably defuses hostility. It is psychologically impossible to be angry at someone if, at thc same time, you feel what he or she is feeling. When people iust don't underctand you, get them to feel

what you're feeling.

3. It often takes a tragedy to make us look honestly at our lives. Tragedies trigger reevaluation and regret, sometimes too late to make things right. You don't have to wait for someone to die before you realize what's important,

4. If you want what you never got from your parent, become your own gandparent.

It takes courage to be your own grandparent. You have to be willing to give what you might sorely need yourself, with no guarantee of a return. However, it might be your best hope for gening the love, pride and acceptance you have always wanted. At the very least it will help prevent the anguish that a patient of mine expressed so well:

5. No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. Anger is a short madness. Convert the anger to conviction and act on the basis of principle. fhenever you can transcend your personal feelings and uphold strongly felt values, you gain something far greater than the thrill of retaliation: the courage and power of conviction.

6. There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. We forgive when we no longer need to blame; we forget when we no longer need to remember.

7. When you accept someone's generosity, you might take on a debt you do not even know you owe, and if you fail to pay it back, you will be punished for reasons you cannot comprehend. Try to determine at the outset whether the act is a gift, a favor or a loan. Don't kid yourself into thinking you are a saint who gives to others and wants nothing in return. If you are not clear about what you really expect, you can jeopardize relationships by seeing yourself as a victim.

There are always strings attached. 

8. Don't look where you're going, go where you're looking. Try to turn your fears into opportunities. 

9. if you think you're always right you can't learn anything new. You're closed down because knowing and learning can't occur at the same time. Having to be right all the time just isn't right. It isn't just, it isn't fair and it isn't even possible. It will bring you contempt, not power and esteem.